Hold Your Tongue Theme

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All right, welcome back to another walk through the book of Proverbs with Edward Carpenter. Today we're going to be doing Proverbs chapter ten, verse eighteen through nineteen. And I titled this one Hold Your Tongue. And I want to talk to you today about something really practical, something you're going to face. Maybe you've already faced it. So

Proverbs On Hidden Hatred

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here we go. Proverbs chapter ten, verse eighteen. He who conceals hatred has lying lips, and he who spreads slander is a fool. You know, Solomon wrote that. And the moment you read it, you know exactly what he's talking about, because we've all been around people like that, people who smile to your face and say something completely different behind your back. But I want to go a little deeper today because sometimes the issue isn't just the slanderer. Sometimes the issue is how we respond to the slanderer. Here's what I've noticed about wisdom. Wisdom often looks like restraint. The wisest person in the room isn't always the one talking the most. Sometimes it's the person who has something to say, and he has every right to say it, but chooses not to. Now I know what you're thinking. That's easier said than done, and you're right. Because here's what's happen happens in real life. There's always someone who keeps pushing. Maybe it's a family member or a coworker, maybe it's someone in your friend group, and maybe it's even someone at church. You already know if you answer honestly, is that it's going to open a floodgate. You can see exactly where the conversation is headed. So you pray quietly on the inside. Lord, help me keep my mouth shut. Help me stay calm. Lord, I don't want to go there. But they just keep pushing you. What do you think? Come on. Tell me how you really feel. I know you don't agree with me, and you can feel the pressure burning inside. Your mind is screaming to you, don't do it, don't do it. But then finally you can't take it anymore, and you say something. Not because you wanted to fight, not because you wanted to hurt anyone, because the pressure inside you became greater than your restraint. And at that moment the words leave your mouth, and you know the floodgate just open. Proverbs understands the struggle. That's why wisdom isn't just knowing the right thing to say. Wisdom is knowing when a conversation itself is becoming dangerous.

When Answering Makes You Sin

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Proverbs twenty six four says do not answer a fool according to his folly, least you also become like him. Let's read that again. Do not answer a fool according to his folly, least you become like him. Some conversations can pull you into the very behavior you're trying to avoid. The danger isn't just what they say, the danger is what they can draw out of you. Jesus understood this perfectly. There were many times he answered his critics. There were many times he corrected error, but there are also times when he simply went quiet. Before Herod he refused to answer. Before his accusers he remained silent. Isaiah prophesies about him over a hundred years earlier. Isaiah says in fifty three verse seven, he was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth. Why? Because not every question deserves an answer. Not every argument deserves your participation. And not every accusation deserves of defense. Sometimes silence is not weakness, sometimes silence is wisdom. And here's the part that really gets me. Sometimes victory isn't winning the argument. Sometimes victory is refusing the invitation to the argument in the first place. Because wisdom understands something. Once certain doors are open, darkness tends to rush through them. And sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is quietly say, Lord, you handle this one. I'm not taking the bait. Now let me get personal for a second.

Trust God With Your Reputation

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One thing I've had to learn about myself is this. Sometimes I know exactly what God wants me to do. He wants me to stay silent. He wants me to walk away. He wants me to trust him. But then another voice starts screaming inside my head. Defend yourself, Ed. Tell your side of the story, correct them, and make sure everybody knows the truth. And suddenly the battle isn't really about the other person anymore. The battle is happening inside me. Why is it so hard just to be quiet? Part of it is human nature. We want to protect our reputation. We want people to understand us. We want people to think well of us. We want justice. But sometimes the deeper issue is this. We're looking to people for a verdict that only God can give. Think about Jesus for a moment. Think about how many false accusations were made against him. They called him demon possessed. They called him a blasphemer. They called him a drunkard. They called him a friend of sinners, and they mocked him. They lied about him. They ended up crucifying him. And yet Peter wrote, When he was revealed, he did not reveal in return. When he suffered, he did not threaten, but he continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. Notice what Peter says. Jesus wasn't passive, he wasn't weak, and he definitely wasn't afraid. He was entrusting himself to the Father. He cared more about what his father thought than what the crowd thought. And that's the honest truth about most of us. We care deeply about what the crowd thinks. We care deeply about winning the argument, and we care deeply about defending our image. That's why holding our tongue can feel almost impossible. Silence can feel like losing, and silence can feel like a weakness. And silence can feel like letting the other person win. But in the kingdom of God, things are often upside down. The world says defend yourself. Jesus says trust your Father. The world says win the argument. And Jesus says follow me. The world says protect your reputation at all cost. But Jesus says seek first the kingdom. Psalms thirty seven five through six says it this way Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noon day. In other words, God will vindicate you. You don't have to do it yourself. Now here's where it gets really real. It's one thing not to drink, one thing not to curse, one thing not to commit adultery. But can you be falsely accused and remain peaceful? Can you stay silent when someone twists your words? Can you trust God with your reputation? Now that's a different level of righteousness. And the moment we see that standard clearly we realize something. We cannot do this on our own. And that is exactly where the gospel starts to become precious. Because gee Christianity isn't Jesus showed us how to live, now go do it. No. Christianity is Jesus lived the life I could never live. He died the death I deserve, and now he gives me his spirit to gradually transform me. That's a completely different message. The older I get, the more I think maturity isn't discovering how righteous I am, it's discovering how much I still need the Lord, and how much I need his spirit and his voice to guide me. You know, the Pharisees read Proverbs and say, Look at all those slanderers. The disciple reads Proverbs and says, Lord, I see that slanderer in me. The Pharisees say, I'm glad I'm not like one of those people. The disciples say, Thank you for not giving up on me. So here's what I want to talk want you to walk away with today. The next time someone pushes you, the next time the pressure starts building, the next time your mind is screaming, say something. Remember this. Restraint is not weakness, and silence is not surrender. Trusting God with your reputation is not losing. It's one of the highest forms of faith you can walk in. Wisdom knows when to speak, and wisdom knows when to be still. Now let's type Proverbs nineteen into

Many Words Make Sin Inevitable

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this. Proverbs ten nineteen says when there are many words transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Now the Hebrew word for transgression here is pesha. It means rebellion, crossing a boundary, stepping over a line. Solomon isn't saying that if you talk a lot you might make a mistake. He's saying something much, much stronger. Notice what the verse does say. It does not say that when there are many words transgression is possible. No. It does not say that when there are many words transgression becomes more likely. Nope. It says transgression is unavoidable. In other words, if you keep talking long enough, eventually you will cross a line, you will exaggerate, you will reveal something you shouldn't, and you will judge, you will boast, you'll defend yourself in the flesh, and you'll say something that would have been better left unsaid. Not might will. The issue is not whether it happens, the issue is when. God has built a law into human nature. The longer the tongue runs, the greater the certainty that sin will eventually come out of it. Think about your own life. How many times have you gotten into trouble because you just kept talking? You were explaining, then you were defending, then you are justifying, then you are proving your point. And before long you had said something you wish you could take back. The tongue has no natural breaks. Left alone it just keeps going. That is why the second half of this verse says, But he who restrains his lips is wise. Notice Solomon doesn't simply say that the wise man talks less. He says the wise man restrains his lips. There is a difference. Anybody can be quiet because they're shy, and anybody can be quiet because they're afraid. But restraint that's power under control. It means you had something to say, maybe even had something true to say. But wisdom told you don't say it. That takes strength and that takes discipline. That takes wisdom, which only the Holy Spirit can give, and it usually comes with learning by failing.

Put A Guard On Your Lips

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And when Psalmist says he who restrains his lips is wise, I can't help but think of his father David. David prayed in Psalms one hundred forty one verse three Set a guard, O Lord over my mouth, and keep watch over the door of my lips. David understood something that most of us learn the hard way. The greatest danger wasn't always what was happening around him. The greatest danger was what could come out of him. Think about the picture David gives us. A guard stands at a gate and decides what comes in and what goes out. David wasn't asking God to make him speechless. He was asking God to become the gatekeeper of his words. Years later, Solomon teaches the same truth in Proverbs. The wise man restrains his lips, because he understands what David learned through experience. Not every thought deserves to become a sentence, and not every sentence deserves to be spoken. And that's why David prayed for God's help. He knew he couldn't tame his tongue perfectly by himself. You know, the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord. Wisdom begins with hearing God's voice and respecting his direction. And sometimes God's wisdom is not giving us more words, sometimes his wisdom is telling us to stop talking, to listen, to wait, to let Him defend us, to let Him work. One of my favorite verses is Proverbs seventeen twenty eight, which says even a fool when he keeps silent is considered wise. Think about that. God says silence can make a fool appear wise. Why? Because wisdom is not measured by how much you say. Wisdom is measured by knowing when to speak and when not to speak. Jesus demonstrated this perfectly when he stood before Pilate and his accusers. He could have answered every charge, he could have won every argument, and he could have silenced every critic, yet he often remained silent. Why? Because wisdom does not compel you to answer every accusation. Wisdom trusts God. The older I get, the more I realize that many of my greatest regrets came from words I've spoken too quickly. Very few came from words I chose not to say. According to Solomon, there is a direct relationship between the number of words coming out of your mouth and the certainty of sin entering the conversation. The wise man understands this and puts a guard on his lips. The more God's voice fills the conversation, the safer we are. The more our own voice dominates the conversation, the closer we move towards transgression. So Solomon's lesson is simple. If you keep talking long enough, eventually you will cross a line. But if you learn to restrain your lips, listen for God's voice, and speak only when wisdom leads, you will walk in the path of life. As David prayed, set a guard over my mouth, and as Solomon taught, he who restrains his lips is wise, a father and a son, a prayer and a proverb, both teaching the same truth. Before words leave your mouth, let them pass by the guard. The wise man is not the one who has the most to say. The wise man is the one who knows when enough has been said. Oh, and in conclusion, this is not a one and done situation, trust me. I'm sixty four, and I know this. Heck I just got done teaching on it. But I still make mistakes of talking too much, which emphasizes this truth in me. I mean I'm doing better, and I wish I was perfect at it, but I know the fruit and I know the fruit of peace that it gives if I would just keep my mouth shut. But living in this body of sin, I still fell, which again leads me to the knowledge of how awesome Jesus was and is, and how much I need him to put a guard over my lips. Well, thank you again for listening to another awesome walk through the book of Proverbs.

Closing And Book Recommendation

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And in conclusion, as always, if you're not hearing his voice clearly, I really recommend you get my book, God Why Don't You Talk to Me by Edward L. Carpenter. You can get it on Amazon, and it'll save you a ton of time. Be blessed, and I'll see you next week. Bye bye.